I worry that I’m failing (or will fail) my sponsees. Am I taking the right approach? Are they getting the support and advice that is beneficial to them? Should I be more ‘by the book?’ I guess at some point I just have to trust that these past eleven and a half years have taught me something that I can pass along. But it’s almost like I know even less now! I miss feeling more certain and confident. “Do this, do that,” I’d say. Now I approach with curiosity- when I ask a question, it’s not leading; I really want to know their honest answer. At the end of the day, I can’t know what’s right or wrong for my sponsee. But maybe I can help guide them to their answer. I have to trust in my program and in the things I’ve learned (and unlearned).
Still, it’s hard to see someone suffering. And yet, the suffering is necessary for change. And what a gift to sit with someone in their suffering, to hold their hand, and say, “you don’t deserve this, but we’ve got to find a way forward,” and, “yes, there is a way forward. Come on, I’ll show you…”
The world holds so much in offering to us. In the depths of addiction, all I could do was grasp and fear losing it all. But my panic and grasping prevented me from being able to see the gifts all around me, available and priceless. I was reaching for the wrong things; I don’t need to reach at all. I need to sit with myself and see and feel. That’s all. Simple but often difficult. Yet, it’s a skill we can develop. We’re all capable. And in the sitting comes gratitude. I welcome it. It’s all around me, and it’s been inside me this entire time. I just have to tap into it. The source is never-ending.
Can I offer spiritual transformation to another person? I don’t know. I don’t think it’s in my hands. I have no control. I can just offer love. It’s natural; I feel love everywhere.